Language | The Truth Behind The New News

By Cy Nical

The meaning behind the language of the news which bombards us every day is changing. Here’s a few pointed examples:

Alternative Lifestyle A living arrangement considered exotic and slightly offensive by the prevailing culture; e.g., a churchgoing nuclear family headed by a married couple, one (and only one) of whom is a woman.
Beard Male facial foliage, formerly shaved clean or grown to exuberant excess according to the taste of the times. In current fashion, a carefully cultivated five o'clock shadow.
Closet The secret hideout of anyone who would be disgraced by public exposure, like homosexuals in the past or admirers of Richard Nixon today.
Director’s Cut The laborious restoration of a film to its former ego boundaries; the only cut that adds length to the original.
Edgy Sufficiently abrasive and obnoxious to captivate an urban audience.
Education The long and difficult process by which a young person comes to detest books.
Flirting Wiggling one's toe in the pool while fantasizing about a swim into the deep end. In the contemporary workplace, likely grounds for a sexual harassment lawsuit.
Freedom 1. In the U.S., the sacred right to speak and act according to one's conscience, except when dealing with sensitive special-interest groups or militant Republican administrations. 2. What the U.S. frequently exports to developing nations, by force if necessary.
Gated Community An upscale residential enclave that graciously surrounds itself with walls to protect the outside world from its inhabitants.
Interactive Describing a computer program so technologically advanced that it provides almost the same satisfaction as a simple dialogue between two actual humans.
McJob The first stop on a college graduate’s journey to lifelong McCynicism.
Opportunist Someone skilled at exploiting people and events for personal gain, a behavioral aberration generally punished with fame and riches.

Posted by Zender at February 1, 2006 05:36 PM

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