Stating the bleeding obvious: or is it?
Thais and Westerners come from radically different cultures. When a Westerner visits Thailand for the first time, in all likelihood he will be naïve, ignorant, and completely unaware of these differences leading him to believe that Thailand is pure bliss, and that Thai people are very simple and easygoing. He will also think that he is given preference, however, that preference is only given on a superficial basis based upon the perception that he has money. Try getting a job or a serious relationship here-you will be given last preference.
Ah, quite the contrary my traveling friend. I know, I was once the same way.
Then I came to realize that Thais and Americans or Brits, Westerners in general, have practically nothing in common. We as foreigners can understand them, and the differences between us, but we can never “be one of them.” They will always view us as outsiders, as simply a necessary component of their GDP. Thais do have a stereotype of all foreigners being relatively the same, with few exceptions. That stereotype is that we are naïve-unaware of the way they are, wealthy, and pursuant of only sex. This can in fact be the opposite, and often is. It is very difficult for them to overcome this stereotype.
As foreigners we must also take into consideration the fact that Thais do not say or do what they are thinking. They will do anything to save face, avoid hurting your feelings, or benefit themselves. So, in doing so, a Thai will say “yes” when they actually mean “no.” This can lead to a great deal of frustration on behalf of the foreigner when he is told one thing, and in fact, it is the exact opposite. For example, a girl says she will call you. Guess what, most of the time she may never have the intention of doing so. This can be very misleading, making Thais often very hard to read. People will often never do, or do the opposite, of what they tell you. Whether or not it is premeditated or they simply change their minds, I do not know-perhaps a combination of both. The truth is often viewed as confrontational. Thus, lying is viewed as acceptable in Thailand.
This leads to a similar issue-reliability. As westerners, we emphasize punctuality. Thais do not perceive time in the same way that we do. If a Thai says that they will call and see you at 7:00, they might call at 9:00, and that is perfectly ok. They will not even call you to tell you that they will be late. They might now show up at all, and will not even call you to let you know that they will not show, and that is viewed as perfectly ok.
This leads to the issue of talk. In Thailand, words do not need to be followed through with action. Talk is viewed as well, just talk, nothing more. So a promise that someone will do something is irrelevant. Many Thais simply talk to play up their status, impress you, etc, they can be insecure about themselves because they think that you as a foreigner may think that they are poor.
Along the same lines is continuity. Thais do not believe that one day is connected to the next, so often times if a Thai says that they will do something in the future, and then that future date comes around, they will not do it because they have either forgotten or changed their minds. In their view, they told you that they would do it another day, not that day, so they are no longer obligated to do it. Often times they will say “yes, but I said that a few days ago.” The past is no longer applicable to the future. They have a serious lack of long term thinking and commitment to obligations. This makes Thailand and Thai people very unpredictable.
Many Thais are also not capable of carrying on a dialogue even if they speak perfect English, often times because they want to avoid conflict. Thus, they will do anything to avoid the truth. And if you let them know that you know the truth, they will start to break down like a robot going defunct. They simply do not want you to know the truth-they feel threatened, in large part because they realize that it may be harder to take advantage of you or because they know that you are aware of their alterior motives. A Thai girl obviously does not want you to know her motives, or the fact that she may have another guy, or guys, all the while that she is with you. They can be very surreptitious in nature. They can lead double lives, in fact, you can know them for months and years, and it will all be meaningless because you never truly knew them. They had another side to them all along.
Backstabbing is another very popular tactic. Thais are often very nice to your face, but not so behind your back or as time passes-they will display another face, another personality. One of the most unusual aspects of this culture, and the difference between this culture and ours is that in our Western cultures, people are normally cold up front when you meet them, but later on as you build trust they warm up to you. However, the exact reverse scenario is the case in Thailand. Here, people, particularly women, tend to be very nice and open when they first meet you, then over time as you grow closer to them, they change. They become colder and more distant, and often, just disappear. In fact, they can turn on you very easily. You can be with them for a long period of time and then simply say something they do not like, and they are gone, onto the next guy in their phonebook (the girls with foreigners tend to have not just one, but many guys). This can be extremely frustrating, and the reason for this, I simply do not know. They live by the day. It makes one not even want to meet people because the nature of this place can be very superficial and temporary.
Thai culture is also inherently very complex. Unlike places such as the US, Thailand is economically hierarchical in nature. There is a class system here-low and high. People are born into a certain class, dependent upon their familial wealth, and they cannot deviate from this. In the US and the UK, it is dependent solely upon you as an individual, not who you know or who you were born as. This may be very hard for us as Westerners from developed countries with large middle-classes to understand. In America, you can be a nobody standing at a cheap Irish pub and talking to a millionaire and never even know it. In Thailand, that would never happen. The rich view themselves as superior to all else-they would not even go into that Irish pub because they view it as “low class.” As foreigners, we are somewhat exempt from that, however, they have no economic incentive in dealing with us, so they often will not. Try attaining a wealthy Thai girl. Even if you look like Brad Pitt, it cannot be done because she has no incentive in doing so. They do not look at your brain or your heart. When Thais look at people, they judge one thing-economic status. Also, unlike our countries, people are not afforded equal rights regardless of their status in society. Here, it is based upon who you are (money-wise) and who you know. Thus, unlike the US, you are in considerably more danger associating with rich people than poor people. Unlike our Western countries, if someone here that has more money than you screws you over, you have absolutely no recourse at all. They wield the stick of control.
Also, bear in mind that as free, deregulated, and open as this place seems to be, there is no free speech, thus, unlike the US and the UK, you cannot speak out against people that have more money or power than you. This is due to the previously spoken of hierarchy. There is no first amendment here, and even if there was, it could be swayed by money. Nothing here is inexorable.
This all may seem harsh, overly critical, etc. The intention is not to be negative. It is simply the truth, and knowing this to begin with can save you a lot of the heartache that many others and myself have had to experience. So, now that the ideological is over, pragmatically speaking, how does one go forth knowing this? Simply trust only yourself or people who you have known for some time, be aware of whom you are associating with and what you are getting into, have no expectations, do not worry about things that you cannot control, and be intently focused on something that you have control over. If you can do this, you may make it here. If you cannot, you do not stand a chance.