Those that live in foreign lands…

In my life I have lived in various places outside my home country - some for a few months, and some for many years. I am always interested in how different people take to a new country. I for one always enjoy researching a new place and getting that little excitement that comes from finding a bar that I reckon I am going to spend a lot of time in. But then I always have been a bar person.

The main point about a good bar is that others gather there and it is by definition an information centre. I suppose it is also a sanity centre - somewhere one can go and meet others and be “sociable.” For most in-country newbies the support centre is the office. But how good that is may depend upon how big your organization is. By that I mean the bigger the office complement, the more chances of finding a soul mate. Whereas in a bar friends are easily made and if the people are wrong the bar will be wrong. But that is stage one, just getting through the door and beginning to know what’s what.

The next stage is more personal. To an extent it depends very much upon the individual, but I find people tend to split into three classic groups. Those who are seriously career-minded might as well be anywhere in the world, as they concentrate on business and the business community, networking and building bridges. Then there are those who become local ex-pats, living with other ex-pats, and enjoying the country but very much from a home country perspective. They will unashamedly create ‘ex-pat central’ and organize activities which would be more appropriate in their home country. They may have a good job and move on eventually, but they are people who like to live a bit and the career is important but not of paramount importance. And then there is the third kind. Those who go native, or think they have. They try and learn the language, they shun ex-pat haunts and ex-pat food, but then create their own enclave of foreigners pretending to be locals. A few do learn the language and customs well enough to merge into local society, but they really are the exception.

Of course the next stage is finding a mate. The first group of business orientated people will tend to look at their own. The right mate can be as important to a career as an MBA. So those in this group will look for a mate from within their own grouping, with the possible exception of educated locals. However those in ‘ex-pat central’ will look at the local market place as well as those around them. I find that this group is probably the least concerned with finding a lasting relationship as they are having too much fun just having a good time. Those who think they are native will be the first to enter a relationship either with a local or somebody within their own small group.

How long the average ex-pat stays depends enormously from country to country and how friendly that country is to foreigners. Clearly the career person will normally move on within a couple of years. Both the other groups will probably want to stay, but will move if it seems the right thing to do.

I have started this off in generalities, however I find Thailand is unique in that there is a fourth grouping, and even a fifth grouping. Those who come on holiday and get sucked in by the country, or should I say the people or maybe more correctly the men fall in love with little girls who love them “too mut.” Sadly many of these do not stay the course as the move over here is made in haste, and dare I say normally without enough funding. Thailand sucks them dry and then spits them out. Thus to parody an old saying I am not sure that it is really better to have loved in Thailand than never to have loved at all!

And then there are those who come here to retire. On the whole this group survive although I suspect many find the cost of living higher than they anticipated. This is mainly because even retirees have no trouble finding a mate here, something that was unlikely to have happened back home. And the idea that two can live as cheaply as one was fine until they invented money!